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A Lighter Look

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A Lighter Look

Well, we can't be serious ALL the time! However, this page is definitely 18+, and not for those who are easily offended. You have been warned.....

Fab bizarre shop!

1001 Man Jokes

Awesome Anagrams

To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. =
In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.


"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." Neil A. Armstrong =
A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!

It has taken many years of painstaking research, following many paths and travelling many highways. Finally, I am done. Click here to see the final result.

 
John and Brian are out and about. John notices that Brian is a bit pissy during the evening, so he finally brings it up.
 
"Yo, man, you've been cranky all damned day. What the hell is wrong with you. You're acting like you've got PMS."

"Naw, I don't have PMS, but I definitely think I'm suffering
from the male counterpart. I call it SRH."

"SRH? What's that?"

"Sperm Retention Headache."

More Anagrams
 
Dormitory = Dirty Room
Evangelist = Evil's Agent
Desperation = A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code = Here Come Dots
Slot Machines = Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity = Is No Amity
Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness = Genuine Class
Semolina = Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries = Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes = That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one
Contradiction = Accord not in it

Don't click this!

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

********************************************************
 
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO
talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
 
The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca, and Gary - last names deleted
.

**********************************************************
 
STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of  the question.
 
(Second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic ning nong whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FU**ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

(Rebecca)
A**hole.

(Gary)
B**ch

(Rebecca)
W***er

(Gary)
S**t. 

(Rebecca)
Get f***ed.

(Gary)
Eat sh*t.

(Rebecca)
F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea - w***e.
**********************************************
(Teacher)
A+ - I really liked this one.
 
The funniest part is that my husband didn't get this joke.. must be another of those Mars/Venus things <grin>